Tuesday, September 12, 2006

My Man Would Rather Hump A Pillow: And Other Ways My Self Esteem Has Gone Out the Window

The gentleman I'm dating has no desire to have sex with me at all whatsoever. I have no idea how this happened. When we first went out, he was all over me, trying to find a way into the inner sanctum like Indiana Jones on Safari. But once I showed him that I was going to allow him access to the keys to the kingdom...he just bowed out like an ROTC Young Republican at a Pride Parade.

Are there certain men that, when they feel they have conquered what they need to, just move on? Before they even actually have sex? They get that bored? Hell, I'd think they would at least hang out long enough to use the merchandise a little before they moved on to the next new thing. I would use the old saying "I'd like to get kissed before I get fucked!", but that can't even really apply in this situation. I can't even really say that he used me and left me - I'm honestly not that lucky.

Now, getting lucky isn't all that I'm after...oh, no sir. But wouldn't it be nice to even get a little dry hump now and then? A little "gee, let's play high school" (oh no, wait, actually more like middle school nowadays) and get to somewhere between 2nd base and a home run? I even miss the good old days of the equivalent of blue balls for women - yes, we get them, too, guys - something I like to affectionately coin "blue clit."

He's not gay, so that rules that out. Most of the time he's a gentleman. He's very kind and tries to show me his affection in other ways...buying me things, etc - but it really doesn't cut the mustard. I don't want things, I want him - and I've tried to talk to him about it, but he avoids intimate conversation like a verbal aikido warrior - deflecting all talk about anything deeper than the latest episode of a favorite television program or where we're going to dinner.Okay, not that lame, but certainly not anything serious or meaningful or...well - sad. Not like I want to walk around like Sylvia Plath and open an artery or stick my head in an oven during every conversation, but every time I start to talk about anything that's not "cheery" it seems he immediately steers the conversation to something less scary to him...like the weather.


And of course, that means that any talk I want to have about our sex life (or lack thereof) is also not a possible topic of conversation.

I'm just not too sure how much more of this I can take. I really care for him, but he obviously has serious intimacy issues and I can't seem to penetrate his walls. Any suggestions?

At least I can visit places like MyPleasure.com...


Blogger Maritza said...

Sounds like major intimacy issues if he won't even talk about it. Is he affectionate but not sexual?

5:40 PM  
Blogger Metabolic Karma said...

Very affectionate...Very loving. He's told me he loves me, even. He has moments when he'll lean over and kiss me and it's very sexual...but he finds every excuse imaginable to not have sex - or even really be sexual with me at all. The irony is that when we first started dating (we are still rather new in this relationship) it seemed so promising, physically.

I am going to try to work this out...but I'm giving it another month or two. If he can't pull it together, then I hate to be cold to him, and make it seem like sex is the most important thing, but this is really upsetting me. It really, as you say, is more about intimacy than anything else.

1:55 AM  
Blogger NYCbeauty said...

Oh my god!!! I literally just broke up w/someone I went out w/for a LONG time and never had sex with. And the affectionate cuddling stopped ages ago...but I did love him....sigh.

10:22 PM  
Blogger Billychic said...

Holy shit - you too?
I just dealt with another bastard like that...we just broke up...

I'm a wee bit bitter...maybe you guys can work it out...

However - I say GET OUT NOW!!! LOL

12:49 AM  

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