Thursday, May 18, 2006

ANTS



No, not AUNTS, which is what I felt like when I saw Sangrante's birdie got hurt yesterday and felt like my little nephew had been injured. I mean ANTS.

I've got 'em. In my fucking house.

I woke up this morning, yawned, got out of bed to feed my four critters that were circling me like sharks, and happened to glance at what I thought was used catnip on the floor that I hadn't yet cleared away.

And then it moved.

NOTHING freaks me out in my own house like bugs. Roaches, ants, spiders (okay, not a bug, but it can bite and crawl) - anything with more than four legs. Can we just leave it at that?

The only thing I've found that can properly repel these bastards is Orange Glo. I guess it's the "orangey citrus thang" in it, but it melts those little fuckers. They shrivel up like the Wicked Witch in Wizard of Oz, and delightfully, I can almost hear them shriek as the mutter "Oh, what a world, what a world..." and it seems to keep them from coming back.

Alas, our hero does NOT HAVE ANY DAMN ORANGE GLO and I feel like the last soldier alive battling the barbarians at the gate. I used Fantastik with bleach, but of course that made a mess.

You know...if I'm outside I don't want them on me - but I figure, hey, I'm on their turf, so I just have to deal with it. But when they come into my house? Nah. It's open season. They made a decision to screw with the wrong neurotic insecto/arachnophobic angry bitch.

Just short of hairspray and a flamethrower (trust, I've used that in the past) I'm about to flip out. I gotta get to work. Let's just hope that the little invaders got sufficently stomped, sprayed on, screamed at (the whole time all I could do was scream "Die, you little fucker - come into my house, I'll kick your ass!") and swatted.

Did I mention that I hate ants?

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