Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Get off your ass and get happy.

No, I did not say 'get STONED off your ass'....although for some of us, that might not be such a bad idea either.

But I'm not getting into the weed issue right now. What I'm talking about now is exercise....fitness....getting involved in sports, becoming a member of a gym, or in a lot of New Yorkers' cases, just using the gym membership you're already paying over $100 a month for....and how it can do even greater wonders for your personality and spirit than it can for your body. I should know. After recently re-beginning my old habit of working out 5 days a week, I'm still too scrawny in some places and too flabby in others, I still don't look like I'm 18, but I FEEL better. Remarkably so, even. Energy's up. Depression's down. Endorphins are flowing. Ugly things like tension, frustration, and anger are released. I have remembered why I got addicted to working out in the first place, and I'm quite sure that addiction's been rekindled. Sure, it's not healthy to be addicted to anything, but considering the other, damaging things people get addicted to in the search for energy, pleasure, relaxation, and release (none of which I'd know anything about....HA!), who's worried about spending a bit too long at the gym?

Going to the gym regularly is turning me into a more stable, more pleasant person. I live in NY, land of unstable, unpleasant, basically unHAPPY people. So I've decided that they should all start working out too, and release their tensions in a nice controlled environment....far, FAR away from me. I can will them to do that, I suppose, but it's not going to get me too far. Unfortunately, telling random strangers to start working out probably won't accomplish too much more than willing them...except perhaps offending them and having them try to maul me, which is actually one of the things I'm trying to avoid. But friends are another matter. On the whole, my friends are a high-strung, stressed-out, overtaxed lot, a surprising number of them manic-depressive and/or suffering from anxiety disorders, and an even more surprising number of them in possession of unused gym memberships. I see nothing wrong with pressing them a bit to turn off the TV, log off the computer, stop contemplating their own navels, and go out and SWEAT. So that's exactly what I've decided to do. And they will listen to me, because I obviously know what I'm talking about. Right? Ehh....

So much for that plan. Apparently, the only thing I've accomplished is becoming the world's most annoying fitness advocate. No one's actually taken me up on my advice yet....NO ONE....but I didn't realise just how annoying I'd become till last night, when I brought up the 'gym thing' with a very dear friend of mine and was informed that I really needn't mention the issue EVERY SINGLE FREAKIN' DAY....he got it the first time. Hmm. Do I sense some anger there? Maybe he did get it the first time, but how am I to know? Maybe he and the 10 others I brought it up with that day just weren't listening the first ten times. Nearly all the others I mentioned the issue to over the past two days have either ignored me completely or accused me of being a sanctimonious gym rat. Jeez, it's not as if I'm calling up asking people if they've accepted Jesus as their lord and saviour. I'm not being rude or lording it over anyone. I'm trying to be HELPFUL for godsake. Guess this approach isn't any good either. Unfortunately, I've pretty well run out of other approaches. Here we see why I could never work in sales. I get my best results by just keeping a distance and willing people to do things. Maybe I should just put on some sneakers and go to the gym and let them sort themselves out. Yeah, I think I'll do that...

But before I do.....you look a bit tense. Do you belong to a gym? You really should consider it. Sure some of them are pricey, but so are shrinks if you do a bit of searching you'll find something good in your price range. For the cash you spend in a week on booze, cigarettes, junk food, controlled substances, you could pay for a membership to a more than adequate gym. What's that? No time? Come the hell on. You're reading this aren't you? You have a TV, don't you? Make the blinking screens go bye-bye, put on some clothes, and MOVE. Most gyms have TV's there anyway. Hell, some even have the internet. How different is reading this where you are now to reading it whilst pedaling a stationary bike, or watching *fill in name of TV show here....I haven't watched in so fucking long I have no idea what people are afraid they'll miss* on your couch as you cram cookies and ice cream down your throat to watching it as you take a leisurely walk on a treadmill? You make no sense. You crazy.

Stop making excuses. Stop being miserable. Stop whining about being too fat, too skinny, too weak, too flabby, too WHATEVER, and bloody well do something about it. You won't see an overnight change, but you won't see any change at all so long as you stay anchored to that chair. But most importantly, getting up and actually doing something with that body Mother Nature gave you WILL show an overnight change in your mood, something New Yorkers....and most others I've encountered....could really use. Call me annoying if you wish, but I'm just telling you what I know to be true. Just pretend it's New Year's....you know, that magical date on which everyone swears they're going to turn their entire lives around and live right? Resolve NOW, because if you don't, in another year's time, that gym membership will still be collecting dust and you'll still be flabby, weak, and miserable. And no, I will not still be pestering you. I'll probably be at the gym.

Speaking of which, I'm putting my soap box away now. Time to be productive, so I'll have time to work off my frustrations later....see you at the gym!

2 Comments:

Blogger Billychic said...

Christ.
As you know, my weight has started to creep up again to disasterous levels, and I sit at home reading, thinking, "Gee, that gym membership is costing out the wazoo and my ass has gotten so fat I could balance a tray of martinis on top of it - I need to get to the gym."

Then, as I let that thought marinate, I watch it sail into the sunset and I go back to reading again.

I need to go to the fucking gym.

3:32 PM  
Blogger NYCbeauty said...

I belong to the YMCA and it's like 50 bucks a month w/all the state of the art equipment and a pool. As much as I fight it or don't want to admit it, working out MAKES ME HAPPIER AND GIVES ME A RUSH. It's so damned obvious. We just need to re-program ourselves to prioritize it.

4:40 PM  

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