Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I'm In A New Age State of Mind

So I'm having a revelation that one of my friends, who has become one of my best friends over the last year, feels old to me - like, I've known him before...in a past life. That we were brother and sister or something - not romantic, just very very close.

Not to get too weird or out there, but I believe in past lives and reincarnation and all that jazz - I just do. When I was about two or three years old I turned to my Mom one day out of the clear blue sky and said, "You know that baby that you almost had before, that died - that was me; I was supposed to come to you so here I am now!"

And then I turned around and started playing with my toys again.

My mother had never spoken about the miscarriage she had had before me; she had made it a point to not ever bring it up around me. Weird, huh?

Or, one day when I was around the same age and Mom was asking me why I was so scared of taking a bath, I told her that I had drowned in my last life.

That's not your average toddler talk. Some kids are talking to Big Bird on their Sesame Street plastic phones, and I'm talking to Krishna. It's just weird...but it makes sense. When kids are really little, they are closer to that other side - and still have memories.

So, I'm in this situation where I feel this intense kindred spirit with this friend of mine. He's very attractive, very handsome; there have been times when I've studied him, physically, asking myself if I'm attracted to him. Because let's face it; I'm a horndogger and not above nailing anybody with a heartbeat that I find remotely attractive. But after the initial thing of "yes, he's handsome" is gone, I realize that I'm really not attracted to him at all that way; if I was to ever come onto him or him to me, it would be so weird - like doing the same thing with a brother. Ick.

I honestly have this instinctual gut feeling like I've known him all my life - and before then. He and I share similar creative aspirations and I feel almost like I need him to help me complete them. I want to grow old with him as a friend, sitting around a table cutting up telling fart jokes and discussing acting.

I think part of it is that he reminds me of my father in some ways, and he also reminds me of myself. He also really cuts into me - he's so brutally honest with me about things when I'm fucking up - drinking too much, getting too depressed, whatever - he seems to feel the same comraderie about me, like I'm a sister. We have only really started hanging out for about a year, but in that year I feel like I have found the male version of myself - and someone who I was always supposed to run into.

I just feel weird, because I really hope his wife never thinks that I'm hitting on her old man. He and I spend a lot of time together talking about acting or working on creative projects and I worry that she might feel that way. I really dig her and would never want her to be stressed out about that.
Then again, I might just be projecting; I'm a jealous bitch and if my guy was hanging around some other woman - even if she was overweight and less attractive than me (his wife is this gorgeous, tall, lithe dancer chick that makes me look like a troll in comparison) I would still be a raging thundercunt and worry he was banging her.

Perhaps not all women are as insecure and heinously jealous as myself; I need to remember that. So, hopefully, his and my friendship will always remain intact and I can try to trace it back hundreds of years, as I make my way down the New Age trail of past lives.


Anonymous thordora said...


I've had several people in my life who "belong", including my husband. I love that feeling of comfort to be around. I've always had that feeling with not so nice people as well.


11:06 AM  
Anonymous Sonja said...

I love this post. It's so nice to know that there are other people with open minds out there who haven't been brainwashed by the organized religion party line. I have read that there were parts of the Bible that talked about reincarnation, but they were removed by some arrogant religious people who wanted the masses to believe something different. Have you ever read anything by Sylvia Browne? She's got some wonderful things to say about past lives and how acknowledging them we can cure illnesses and problems we are struggling with in this life. I think you'd enjoy it.

3:56 AM  

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