Friday, December 22, 2006

Eat, talk, or go somewhere else

Yes, I’m the one who complained about people using cell phones in the bathroom. The day after I posted the cell-phone-bathroom-people complaint, another one presented itself in full force. I think “they” heard me and notified their friends, the cell-phone-restaurant-people.

Here’s the scene: I met a friend for lunch at a small Japanese-Chinese fusion place. We were the first 2 customers of the lunch crowd. We order, settle in to enjoy the conversation then SHE came in. SHE was seated on the other side of the restaurant from us. After placing her order (very loudly) with the waitress, SHE dialed someone and held a complete conversation. And continued WHILE SHE ATE. So for about 30 minutes we heard her very loud side of the call… only to be treated to an amazing hush when she left.

I didn't (and still don't) give a damn about this person or about her complaints about work or her holiday plans or even how much she spent on a Christmas gift for that guy she's dating but who is afraid of committment. Why did we all need to know her business?

Enough already.

This all made me wonder: does a cell phone etiquette guide exist? It does! Dan Brody of publised something that might help cure some of these people: “The Ten Commandments of cell phone etiquette.” Below is a portion of his article:

“1. Thou shalt not subject defenseless others to cell phone conversations. When people cannot escape the banality of your conversation, such as on the bus, in a cab, on a grounded airplane, or at the dinner table, you should spare them. People around you should have the option of not listening. If they don't, you shouldn't be babbling.

2. Thou shalt not set thy ringer to play La Cucaracha every time thy phone rings. Or Beethoven's Fifth, or the Bee Gees, or any other annoying melody. Is it not enough that phones go off every other second? Now we have to listen to synthesized nonsense?

3. Thou shalt turn thy cell phone off during public performances. I'm not even sure this one needs to be said, but given the repeated violations of this heretofore unwritten law, I felt compelled to include it.

4. Thou shalt not wear more than two wireless devices on thy belt. This hasn't become a big problem yet. But with plenty of techno-jockeys sporting pagers and phones, Batman-esque utility belts are sure to follow. Let's nip this one in the bud.

5.Thou shalt not dial while driving. In all seriousness, this madness has to stop. There are enough people in the world who have problems mastering vehicles and phones individually. Put them together and we have a serious health hazard on our hands.

6. Thou shalt not wear thy earpiece when thou art not on thy phone. This is not unlike being on the phone and carrying on another conversation with someone who is physically in your presence. No one knows if you are here or there. Very disturbing.

7. Thou shalt not speak louder on thy cell phone than thou would on any other phone. These things have incredibly sensitive microphones, and it's gotten to the point where I can tell if someone is calling me from a cell because of the way they are talking, not how it sounds. If your signal cuts out, speaking louder won't help, unless the person is actually within earshot.

8. Thou shalt not grow too attached to thy cell phone. For obvious reasons, a dependency on constant communication is not healthy. At work, go nuts. At home, give it a rest.

9. Thou shalt not attempt to impress with thy cell phone. Not only is using a cell phone no longer impressive in any way (unless it's one of those really cool new phones with the space age design), when it is used for that reason, said user can be immediately identified as a neophyte and a poseur.

10. Thou shalt not slam thy cell phone down on a restaurant table just in case it rings. This is not the Old West, and you are not a gunslinger sitting down to a game of poker in the saloon. Could you please be a little less conspicuous? If it rings, you'll hear it just as well if it's in your coat pocket or clipped on your belt.”



Blogger Billychic said...

Can I get an Amen, sister?

Holy shit, that was hilarious and awesome. I'm sorry you had to deal with that in the restaurant...I have to all the time on the bus, but in a restaurant while you're eating... sigh.

Those commandments should be tattooed onto every phone, lest someone forget. The one about wearing the earpiece when you're not on the phone...that one really got to me. I had an ex who wore it all the time...I told him he looked like a member of the fucking Borg...

"Resistance is Futile"

1:30 PM  
Anonymous thordora said...

I work with people who are fucking ANNOYING with their phones. Don't get me started with the teenagers on the bus. Sigh...

7:06 PM  

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