Thursday, August 17, 2006

So How Soon Is Too Soon When You First Boink the Guy You're Dating?

This always happens. No matter how long I wait to first sleep with a guy I'm dating, I inevitably find myself with my legs wrapped around his neck much sooner than I think I should be.

Unless of course it's just some simply, smutty encounter with someone that I really don't care too much about and just happened to look good at 2am. That doesn't concern me.

I'm talking about someone that you're dating, a potential boyfriend (or girlfriend, although women are just cooler about the whole thing and there isn't that weirdness so much afterwards), or simply someone that you hope will be around for a long time.

I have found that no matter how long I've waited: whether it's three or four weeks and the guy is trying to be a gentleman and I end up fucking the whole thing up and practically rape him; or if it's trying to hold out past the first night's dinner and movie and wondering how I ended up practicing puting on his condom with my mouth sometime in the same night; or somewhere in between - a no man's land dance of "what's the right time to do this and not feel like I sullied this potential relationship?"...I find that I always wonder if I didn't hold out long enough.

Why is that? Why do I have to hold the keys to the kingdom? And if the guy tries to hold onto them and keep us from having sex too soon, why can't I just go wank and not rock the boat?

Or does it matter?

I don't care what year this is and how far the women's movement has come - men still seem to enjoy the chase, the effort they have to put in to work for something. God fucking forbid you seem to be making an effort to get to the finish line before them, holding your garter belt between your teeth. Some relationships do just fine when they have sex the first night - and others flounder for the folks who waited. And vice-versa for both. It's so damn confusing.

I'd like to know what people think - should you wait to have sex if you really care for the person? Does it effect the quality of the relationship if you don't? And what if it's the woman that ends up initiating the actual sex?

Because ever since I hit my 30s, my hormones have gone through the roof; it's an effort to not dry hump everything I come into contact with. Nobody really prepares you for the effect of hitting your sexual peak. I thought I was a horndogger in my 20s - HA.

I just hope that I haven't messed anything up by being a dirty young woman - who cares for the person that she nearly took down like a female tiger taking down a gazelle on the African plain.


Blogger Billychic said...

God, what a horror show.

I think if people dig each other more than just a friendly fuck between friends, then they should wait...but that simply means waiting after the first date or two - or much longer, if you can. I mean, if anything, you learn to dig other things about the person besides just sex. You can really get a sense of the person and not be quite as awkward with them if you wait, I think? I dunno...I get so confused with this and freaked out.

I usually fuck it all up and then have sex sooner than I intended, too. Doh.

Then I hyper-analyze it to such a point that they end up leaving me not because I was a super nympho, but because I'm so fucking neurotic.

I need to go off to a nunnery and raise chickens.

9:52 AM  
Blogger NYCbeauty said...

I'm glad your legs first end up around his NECK. That's the good part. I say fuck all the morality police. Really, if a lover is going to judge you for sleeping w/him or her too "soon", they aren't worth it. I wrangled w/this issue for years and it never really matters. If it's going to be a "relationship" it will. If not, it won't. Timing w/sex is not a factor. Unless it's bad.....

5:48 PM  
Blogger Maritza said...

I have found that it's not the sex too soon that kills the relationship, it's stupid shit like calling him or emailing him or being available.

I can have sex or not, but it's that damn phone that gets me in trouble each and every time.

6:41 PM  
Blogger Full Frontal Honesty said...

Isn't the hormonal surge of the 30's fun? Nothing like being as randy as an 18 year-old boy!

As for the timing of sex, in my experience, if the relationship is meant to be, the timing of the first sexual encounter is irrelevant. In other words, when it's right, it's right and ain't nothin' gonna change that.

Enjoy the ride!

12:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I say.........good luck with all THAT and that you can get the latex-taste out of your mouth soon.........

4:43 PM  
Anonymous glitter sparkle said...

i am not sure if you want to consider my opinion as i find sex to be a fabulous pastime to while away the hours. when i am not super busy just thinking about sex that is. i have tried the waiting thing and waited too long and ended up making a booty call and then realize that now i don't even want to do it with the lame-o who didn't feel enough desire for me to try to get some. i have also pretty much jumped up and ripped my clothes off, pouring wine all over myself and suggesting that it be licked off after spending 3 hours with someone. (still seeing that guy btw) i find that going with what feels right at the moment is what works. if the desire is there (as long as it isn't booze fueled and aided by the glasses) then go for it. waiting only makes people frustrated and cranky. and spend way too much time masturbating...or making those calls that ruin everything. 'um, yeah. i know, we just said bye and I said that we were going to wait but would you mind coming over and just putting it in for a minute? no Actual sex or anything...' so now they think you are a looney and a nympho. which may be alluring, who knows. anyway, i say revel in your inner slut. being in our sexual prime must Not be wasted! god. imagine being in our 60s and thinking back of all the good sex we Could have had. shudder.

8:57 PM  

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