Saturday, August 16, 2008

blah blah blah

I'm sorry, but my first post here is going to be filled with bitching. And it's about my ex-husband, and I know that's really cliche, and tired, but...I'm hoping you'll understand.

The backstory is that I had a really, REALLY bad first marriage, filled with a whole lot of emotional abuse, but the divorce has been final for ten years now. We had two daughters who are 13 and 14, I have full custody, and every summer they travel back to visit their dad, and they just got back from this summer's visit yesterday. Okay, good? Good.

Anyway, the girls spent the past two months babysitting their two younger sisters, which is FINE, except for the fact that: they couldn't go outside, they couldn't use the stove, they couldn't use the computer, and not only was this from Monday thru Friday when their dad and step-mom were at work, they acted as free daycare on Saturday as well, so the adults could spend the day GOLFING. And the icing on the cake? Their dad, who only sees them for eight weeks of a year, left for a hunting trip two days before they came home. That's crap.

I realize there is two sides to every story, and that my daughters, being MY daughters, are prone to exaggeration, but in this case, I fully believe them. They've been emailing me for the past month telling me how bored they were (they left the house to go to town FOUR TIMES over two months) and how they just simply were not having a good time. Not an awful time, just not a summer vacation.

There's other stuff, too, like...I don't get child support. It's sort of my fault, because after seven years of not getting it, or getting less than what the court said I should get, I was tired of having to politely ask for the late check, or nicely telling them their check had bounced, and being accused of using the girls for money, and I told him I didn't want anything from him, ever, and to not pay me anymore. I KNOW, it's for the kids, but godDAMN.

The only good thing about this is that the girls told me they realized how good they have it here, and that they really don't care to go back. I have spent the past ten years saying nothing but good things to them about their dad, knowing that eventually, his true colors would show and they would see...and it's starting to pay off.

Anyway. I'm not usually so...hatey in my own blog, and I am sort of ashamed that I'm using this one to air such a personal vent, but I have no choice. The girl's stepmom regularly reads my blog. I may dislike them intensely, but I don't want to shove it in their face, you know? As a result, if nobody minds, I might occasionally rant a bit about that situation, and, for giggles, maybe I'll tell you about some of the really fun things that happened during my first marriage. Emotional/mental/psychological abuse is no joke--maybe talking about it will help someone? I don't know. Of course, I'll also be posting other, less awkward things as well! Fun things! Opinions! Anecdotes!

Hi, by the way. I'm pretty stoked that I'm part of this site. Thanks for reading.



Blogger Billychic said...

Thank you so much for posting!!! Welcome!!!

And yes, you can air out whatever you want to about what happened during the course of your marriage, after your marriage.

I don't think anyone should feel bad or ashamed at venting - and if they have a forum to do it in where they won't necessarily get the wrath of the "persons in question" -- who shouldn't even get pissed because we're using Imaginary Names and not using their real names - is wonderful.

Looking forward to reading your posts - on here as well as your own blog site - and I'm glad that the girls were able to see his true colors. You were as best a mom as you can be...then you have to stand back and see if they can get past the "daddies are awesome" (or vice-versa for those out there with not-so-great mothers) facade. They did without your intervention...and you should be proud - of them and yourself.


12:11 PM  
Blogger Billychic said...

Oh, and yes - venting is awesome, but like you said, I'm sure we will love to read all your other kinds of Fun things! Opinions! Antecdotes!


(sometimes its fun to just snark)


12:13 PM  
Anonymous Maia Berens said...

It all works out in the end. I had an abusive marriage for 15 years. Now I have a very loving one for 22 and my kids are adults and doing great. Keep moving on!

1:32 PM  
Blogger Metabolic Karma said...

Welcome to OW! Thank you for writing this. I have had a couple of abusive relationships, of varying types, and It think you are being very strong and a great Mom, from what I can tell. Keep up the good work! We're happy to have you here!


1:45 PM  

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