Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Creepy men on MySpace want to have sex with me.

(If you think this is addressing you, then it probably is.)

I got an email from someone on MySpace awhile back, telling me that what I needed and subconsciously really wanted was to be FUCKED HIS 'massive horse dick' of course. Wow. All that cock and he's a mindreader to boot. Any woman who'd turn that down must be an idiot.

Guess you'll just be calling me George W from now on, then, because boys, if you've ever said anything like that to me, ever considered saying anything like that to me, or ever looked at a picture of me (or me myself, for that matter) and thought, 'Damn, what that woman needs is my man meat all up in her', I've got news for you. It is never going to happen. Never. Absolutely not. Hell will freeze over, Kerrymen will stop playing football, Lindsay Lohan and Carnie Wilson will swap wardrobes, and the NYC subway system will smell of lavender, and still, it will not happen. You are barking up the wrong tree, and if you keep it up, the only one of us that's gonna get rammed is YOU.

Newsflash, retards. NOT every woman on MySpace is a raging cockhound. NOT every one of us is here in the hopes of achieving our lifelong goal of getting 500 penises shoved into all our orifices over a 24 hour period. (There are enough of those kind of women here, however, that the Dick Brigade should be well occupied by them and kept far away from me. I find them. Why the hell can't the men?) One simple READ of a fucking profile should make it perfectly clear to all you wankers who's who. It should not need to be beaten into your thick skulls like this.

But ehh. I guess you're just too busy jacking off to read, huh?

Oh yeah, and do not even try to tell me that my pictures are misleading. I'm going to spell it out for you in black and white. I am a former fattie. I spent most of my life with a great set of tatas and no real way to show them off because I was too ashamed to show the rest of me. I only started giving a damn about my appearance at all over the past 5-10 years. I have worked my ever lovin' ass off at getting to where I am now, and if I want to take pictures that show the fruits of my labour, that's my right. You would probably do the same thing if you lost a net 100lbs. So can it. Besides, people with two X chromosomes need some jackin' material too. (Or jillin' material, as the case may be....heh....)

So to're creepin' me out with all your disgusting shit. Those of you with wives and girlfriends are disrespecting the living hell out of them, but that's no surprise, seeing as you'd send completely demeaning emails and comments to a total stranger, so it's obvious you don't hold women in terribly high regard no matter who they are. If you approach me on here in a platonic manner, I don't mind that at all....I'm one of these people who can never have too many friends and don't care who they are so long as they're good people. But if you approach me as a friend and then start bombarding me with inappropriate emails, comments, and propositions, your ass is GONE. I am not stupid. I know what you're up to. Platonic friends do NOT talk about converting you to Team Weenie.

My work here is done. If you have any questions you can feel free to forward them to me, but if they're stupid, I'll feel free to delete them without responding.


Blogger NYCbeauty said...

Reason number 92,406 why I'm no longer on Myspace....very funny post!

4:35 PM  
Blogger BlueChick said...

You point out exactly why I worry about my 19 year old niece's picture being on MySpace. She's every adolescent (and some adult) men's dream with very large tatas and doesn't understand that flaunting them in her pics online might one day cause her a junkload of trouble. Great post!

9:04 AM  
Blogger Billychic said...

Oh, God, I was cracking up. This was hilarious.

Already I've had to block a few nasty comments on this one blog entry alone. Most of them seemed to be men; I suppose the rest were women pissed that anyone would complain about getting offers of sex, since they themselves haven't seen someone else's sexual organ since they emerged from their mother's yoni.

I don't understand why people who think that just because someone is enjoying showing off good pictures of themselves that for some reason they want to engage in a bisexual orgy with men who want to give them a diry sanchez? Or that they would want to have sex with strangers?

I get a few nutjobs, but not as many as either you or NYCBeauty do...what a horror show. lol

1:38 PM  
Anonymous thordora said...

I hate MySpace with the power of a thousand burning suns.

It's like all the scum from highschool was scrapped off the floor and dropped into 50% of the profiles, with 47% being colorblind immature women attempting to incapacitate me with blinkies. That leaves 3% of NORMAL people.'s the place grammar goes to die I tell ya...

4:31 PM  
Blogger Róisín Rua said...

You do realise you've piqued the HELL outta my curiosity now....though I'm sure a few of the men are people who stalk me from MySpace and are peeved that this is directed straight at THEM.

12:47 AM  
Anonymous Sonja said...

I am now glad that I never investigated gettin a blog on My Space. Thanks for the warning.
Not that there aren't nutcakes everywhere, but it sounds like MySpace might be their international headquarters.

11:00 PM  

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