So It's Official: We're Broken Up...And I'm Single Again

We finally broke up last night. It's official. I'm single again. Time to break out the vibrators from the closet (actually, they were always close at hand).

Q: Was it mutual?
A: Yes.

Q: How do you feel?
A: We both feel like baked shit. We love each other dearly but it just can't work. I almost wish he was just an asshole. Then I could REALLY rant on here. BOY could I ever. Because I do have a few things to say...but...

This is the longest relationship I've had since my divorce, since I separated from my husband, actually, which is now longer than our actual marriage was (or as long - Tim would have to help me do the math here). It was deteriorating for a long time...the expiration date was starting to show on the label of the bottle, but neither one of us wanted to see it.

I'm torn somewhere between wanting to go and just run around and party and try to forget the pain...and just crawl off and lick my wounds. I think he feels the same.

My usual motto is "to get over a man, the best way is to just get under (or on top of, or in front of) another!" And then I laugh...and then inevitably boink an ex just so I can get the image of the person I'm thinking of out of my head. Who hasn't done that? Show of hands?

I think I'm going to not date for a while. I have no desire to...how can you when you still love someone, but you have to break up for reasons that aren't because someone is mean, etc, but because you have different life paths? I dunno. I'm in my 30's now, and although my sex drive may be even stronger, my way to deal is different.

I mean me, Ms. UberSex, has no desire to do anything. If Johnny Depp and Daniel Craig both walked in here, I'd be like "yeah, whatever."
(okay, I would SO not be - I'd take them on in heartbeat - but that's it! I swear!)

Seriously, though...if my parents weren't aging and I wasn't starting to make more friends and connections in the theatre world here in NYC, I'd move to Arizona right now. Maybe that's where I have to go. Maybe all the guys who want kids and like cats are in Arizona. I'm always good at making friends. I might stand out as "interesting and unique" or something.

I wish I was 25 again and none of this mattered. I wish that I had never wasted all the time I did with all the men that I have that have led me back to nothing...to being alone - again. But I suppose that in those journeys I learned something. Everything has a reason, right?

Even a stupid cruise that you pay $400 for just so you can break up with the guy you go on it with three months later? How fucking retarded is that? He's pissed at me because I bought all this artwork on the boat, but hey - at least I have something that LASTED AFTER THE TRIP.

Sorry...I wasn't going to get snarky.

I will say this: he was one of the best men in my life ever. Bottom line. It's too bad...but I can't do anything to help him find his way, and he can't help me with mine. I just hope we can stay friends. We're trying to. *I love him very much and I hope he has a wonderful life.

*note: the author is on a lot of xanax, wine, and "calming agents" right now, enough to put down a horse, actually, so, if this was say: whiskey and coke, or even just half a bottle of Grand Marnier, this would be a very different blog altogether tonight. I suppose that because either HE or one of his friends MIGHT read this (nobody reads my fucking blogs anymore, so who really cares, right?) I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings (hell, mine are okay, right? I'm just sitting here getting wasted, no problem). If I really didn't care, I might go on one of my infamous "post breakup rants" where I've literally handed over a verbal colostomy bag to the asshole in question.

But I mean what I say...he's good people. Like I posted earlier, some folks just don't work out, no matter how much they love each other.