Howdy Hi There

I guess the best place to start is always with introductions, so let me get right to it.

I am Derfina, aka Jackie.  I write a blog called Life in the River here.  I am just tickled silly to have been invited to contribute to Ornery Women.  I'm not sure just exactly what I will be adding to the pot, but I tend to use a lot of garlic when I cook, so hopefully it will be savory enough for you to want to come back for more.  Hmm.  Food metaphors this morning.  Mayhaps I should nosh on something before I write instead of drinking coffee and getting stoned.

I live a charmed life.  In retrospect, that is.  Most of the time, myne is probably just as sticky and full of bumps and potholes as yours, but when I sit back and reflect on it, I am just the luckiest person I know, because it all seems to work out in the end, and when it's all over, the bumps and potholes and sticky messes seem much more funny than they felt when they were happening, and I'm all about fun.

I live in a tiny little houseboat in Podunk, Mississippi, where the summers are looong and sweaty and sweet.  I live with my husband Johnny, who is referred to as the Innocent Bystander in my blog, but will probably be referred to by his original tag, the Unit, here.  He is a captain of a jackup barge (self elevating work liftboat) and currently works in Nigeria, although he's also worked in Trinidad, Venezuela and here in the States in the Gulf of Mexico.  He is also currently doing some research on a job possibility in India, but that is just now being bandied about so it is not on my radar at the moment.

The Unit is one of the main sources of funny in my life.  He is the schmear on my bagel most of the time, and the rest of the time I just tune him out.  We also have three birds, so tuning out is a good ability to have-three parrots in a tiny houseboat with no carpet can be...shrill.  So I guess my filters were reversed.  Instead of a mouth filter I got ear filters.  I can turn my ears on and off at will.  *snort*

The Unit is cool.  He has little pet names for me.  Besides derfina, there's noodle, wiggle (ugh), beavis and my personal favorite, pretty.  (I'm not.  No one's ever gnawed their arm off to get out of bed with me, but I'd go more with plain than pretty.  But plain would not be a good pet name, now would it?  Hey, plain.  Nah.  I  like pretty.)

I have cute little pet names for him, too.  Hoss, Dude, Asshole and Dickhead are a few of MY favorites.  He'll answer to just about anything.  He's groovy like that.

I have some friends who are recurring characters in my little blogging world.  The Purv is one.  She has been my friend since high school, and I am planning a post devoted specifically to her on my blog, but some things have to stew longer than others if you want them to come out just right, so that is still a work in progress.  She is very understanding about the fact that when the Unit is home, our friendship goes into a kind of holding pattern, as we are a labor intensive couple-when he is off, he is off 24/7, so we are together just about every minute of every day.  But as soon as he leaves, we pick right back up where we left off.

There are also myne wyves.  First Wyfe prolly would have been my lyfemate had she or I been born with a dick.  We don't get to see each other much anymore, because I made her run away from home many many years ago to be with her Boogerschmearer of a husband.  My bad, and I pay for it every day I don't get to see her.  Second wyfe works at the orthopaedic clinic where I used to work, and I love her dearly and I want to take care of her and make sure no one ever hurts her EVER and again, I pay every day for the fact that I am too lazy to get off my ass and go see her more often.  (But then, she could come see me, too, yes?  Roads go both ways, no?)  I also have a wonderful boobielicious candidate whom I am grooming to be myne third wyfe. ^^groucho eyebrows^^ 

And then there are my bitches.  At one point when I was still working, I had about a dozen.  Now they are down to two, The Blonde One and The Serious One.  The Gaited One is still out there somewhere, but she seldom joins us when we have a margarita night.  I drink with my bitches.  I snark with them too.  They are wonderful in that they love me despite the fact that I let them down on a regular basis.  They are beautiful strong womyn who don't need me to take care of them, so they don't qualify as wyves, but I would stand in front of a train for any one of them, even those who have gone on to bigger and better things who I haven't seen in years.

These are the basics.  I'm not sure how often I'll be blogging here.  When the Unit leaves, I will have some time to dry out, and once I have two non alcohol soaked brain cells to rub together I will figure out some kind of schedule where I work over here two or three days a week and the rest of the time concentrate on my blog.  Who knows.  I've been known to spread myself too thin, though, so I am not going to make any commitments that I can't keep.  I hope.  As I've been known to say probably way to often:  We shall see.