Saturday, July 28, 2007

This Is Highly Irregular, Dave: Or Is It?

I'm sorry - but is anyone really surprised that these astronauts are getting loaded? I know we all have to gasp in horror here (pause to the sound of crickets) because they're flying space shuttles and the potential for big-time horror show catastrophes is astounding. A little fuck up in space - or trying to get there - could be the difference between life and death for not just the individuals involved, but the whole crew.

But when you think about it...I mean, c'mon. We're in a society where people think nothing of drinking a bottle of wine and getting behind the wheel of a car. Or popping their "prescribed medication" and going to work and (fill in the blank on this one; it could be anything from driving machinery to heart surgery, for chrissake). There are people who have access to "the red button" of various types of high-stakes gigs - and you KNOW some of those folks aren't completely sober on the job all the time.

One article said that a problem was: "Interviews with both flight surgeons and astronauts identified some episodes of heavy use of alcohol by astronauts in the immediate pre-flight period, which has led to flight safety concerns..."

So this issue for one part wasn't that they were drunk on the JOB, they were HUNGOVER. There's a big fucking difference.

Now maybe I'm just an asshole (pause for response), but if I had a gig where I had to get in a big tin can and fly up into space with a decent chance of burning up in the atmosphere in the process, you bet your ASS I'd be drinking. HEAVY. I'd probably be doing a lot of other things too, because there'd be a good chance I wouldn't be coming back. Then again, last time I checked, I didn't pass the astronaut exam and nobody asked me. Bastards.

Also, according to the BBC article, one of the incidents occurred aboard a Russian spacecraft. Uh - excuse me? I think that explains the whole thing right there. I have a lot of Russian friends, and those bastards can DRINK. Can we say dimi Vodki? Because that's about all I hear out of these guys. Ten bucks says this kid was a sober dude before he stepped aboard that Starship Drinkaprise...but after a few weeks with some professional boozehounds, our Spacekid Friday developed a thirst for cocktails.

And what's this about intentional sabotage to the wiring of a computer box? What the hell is that all about??? That's like something out of a really juicy sci-fi flick. Maybe they had a nasty critter on board and didn't want to bring it back to destroy earth? If that's the case, then they were doing us all a favor - and decided to have a few cocktails to pat themselves on the back.

Of course, this is all following the whole Lisa Nowak thing, which I talked about in March, so NASA is shitting themselves:

"Holy shit, Sir, we've got insane lovers wearing diapers and now we have a bunch of drunks in space! What do we do?"

"Let's start a war somewhere...get the people's mind off of it. I got a dartboard, map of the Middle East, and a few darts laying around here somewhere...whaddya say?"

Eh...I just shake my head and really have to say: are we shocked? I'm not.


Blogger Billychic said...

I meant to tell you a while back when I read this...

You're fucking hilarious.


12:58 PM  

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