Friday, December 12, 2008

Plea to the Furies

Disclaimer:  If I happen to be married to you and you are reading THIS blog, you do so at your own risk.  We talked about this, Dood.  It may or may not be about you-you're taking your chances!

Dear God, Goddess, fates, furies, higher power or consciousness, Great Baboo, Gizmo, or just plain Bob, please hear my prayers.  I have to believe that something out there hears my plea or I will lose my mind.

How ironic that it came out like that, oh mighty Whoever or Whatever You are.  For I am here, for a change, on my own behalf.

We talk, You and I, regularly, and I thank you for all the blessings in my life, for I know they have not been earned, but are freely given.  I know that grace is like grits, that it too comes free with a belief in You, so I am going to take it on faith that You are listening.  I usually come to You either in Thanksgiving or to ask you to intercede in someone's life who is suffering or in some great need, but tonight, I am being selfish. 

I know that our family has won some cosmic joke of an Alzheimer's lottery, and I am doing my part to keep from hitting its next big jackpot.  But if I do succumb, Oh Great Is, please, I beg of You:

Please allow me to lose those pieces of myself which You choose to take away so stealthily with dignity.  When I get confused, please allow me to see that this is Your way of taking away my worries, not some plot of others to get something by me.  Please allow this to become a time of peace for me, not a time of bitterness and paranoia.  Do not let me become the woman who has to make sure everyone else follows the rules because it makes me feel more in control of a world that I barely recognize.  Do not let me assume that every person I meet is trying to take advantage of me because I am frightened because I can't remember their names.  Let me focus on the wonder and happiness of meeting them, over and over, because some small part of my brain knows how important they were or are to me.  Let me draw pictures full of childlike images and love stuffed animals and if I'm to lose my present, please allow me to revisit my past. And please-slip in a memory or a story to draw a laugh from an old friend or a new one.  Do not let my fear infect those around me so that they stay away, like avoiding me will keep it from happening to them.  Let me be a blessing, an example of how to lose oneself without losing one's essence.  If You are to allow the me to leak out a little at a time, at least leave the funny, and the joy, and the love.  I wouldn't ask if I wasn't supposed to be a reflection of You.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Billychic said...

Amen.
Twice.

Thank you for that, sweetheart.

2:46 PM  
Blogger Pand0ra Wilde said...

Make that three times--I said prayers almost exactly like this innumerable times as I worked as a nursing home nurse. "Please, let me be happy to know so many new people rather than scared and defensive."

I have a feeling my personality change if this happens to me might be to the good, cynical bitch that I am now.

5:45 PM  

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