Saturday, June 02, 2007

ascared of blogs

nooo, they don't make me lay awake at night wondering if they are lurking under the bed on alert for when one of my hands falls over the side of the bed so they can munch it up. and no, i don't jump on a chair when i hear the words. they don't even make my spine tingle at the thought. but honestly i am afraid now of the written *and posted* word. i thought when they fired me for having my opinion (albiet a somewhat harsh and glaring and Unkind one but still my god/constitutional given opinion) that i would be able to turn my nose up at them. (Them. said with a big T.) and afterall, what more can they do? come to my house with torches and pitchforks? drag me out into the village square, strip me naked, paint a big red B on my chest? turns out that even if they can't do any more i now have the fear. what if? what if i express my dismay at what these malicious vindictive people did to me because they didn't like reading about themselves in the harsh glare of the day? what if they make sure i can't get a job? i don't know if they have this power but still, what if they make sure i can't use my last 4 years as the valuable experience that it was? ugh. i hate being this way. i want to turn to them. plant my legs firmly, lift my chin and hold up my middle finger (until i hear my mom's voice and i switch it to my middle and pointer finger being even more defiant) and say 'Screw You! you do NOT win! you will still be miserable nasty people who lead small and miserable lives. the satisfaction you may have gotten by taking my job away should be short-lived. turns out there are other jobs out there! your nasty little deeds have in fact turned out to be the best thing to happen to me in a verra long time. (somehow i develop a scottish burr when i am mad it appears) thanks much!' and stalk off laughing. maybe i would skip off gaily, that would work better.

but i won't. instead i will sit and look at the computer and wish that i dared. but daring won't feed my daughter or buy her new socks.

3 Comments:

Blogger Wordstrix said...

Wait...you got fired for BLOGGING? That is awful. That gets my constitutional lawyer (me in a past life) ears a buzzin'. I'm so sorry. I had a personal blog that I took down too b/c I felt like my words were too powerful in general. I felt too exposed.

But YOU who had the courage to write...I'm glad you're on here, though. Welcome.
xo
jw

12:34 PM  
Blogger Billychic said...

I'm so happy you are finally on here. It's about time, woman..

That said, I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that bullshit...getting fired for blogging is a total horror show...kinda like if Dick Cheney decided to visit you at home when you didn't have the dishes done and left the vibrators out...only you also lose your income, too.

Fuck.

Well, we're happy to have you. Fuck those fuckin' fucks...as they say. The other They with a capital T, the ones that will read your stuff and giggle and nod and rejoice.

xxoo
d

2:02 AM  
Blogger princessElectra said...

thanks! i have to admit that even now i am afraid to say too much. but i am sure that too shall pass.

and thanks jw. it has My inner constitutional lawyer (an almost present) swallow hard as well.

2:10 PM  

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