Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Gettin' My Diet Groove On

Well, it's been 3 months since I started and I've lost 22 pounds. To be honest, I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to do it. Now that I've hit that weird world of "The Mid Thirties" (yes, please note the capital letters) I've come to realize that it really IS a wee bit more difficult to lose the weight; rigorous exercise DOES make me a little more tired; the pounds just don't melt off like they once did.

This has been an ongoing thing in my life. I remember having a big life-altering change in my mid 20's: I divorced my first (gasp!) husband and got on a health program; became a vegan vegetarian who ate 50% raw and lost like 40 pounds. I would smile smugly when people would tell me I was "almost too thin" and dated and wore clothes that I had never been able to fit into as a teenager...and have never been able to fit into since.

I think the last time I was actually petite and not really aware or neurotic about what I was eating was when I was about...five. Maybe even earlier. Two or three. That's kinda sad, when I think about it. I mean...I wonder...is there ever going to be a time in my life when I don't have to plan meals ahead of time or put thought into caloric intake at every meal? Or if I decide to splurge and eat out with friends or a companion, and eat like they do, not kill myself at the gym later?

I have to answer honestly: probably not. My body is just not made to eat like everyone else. I was out with someone a week ago and we were having dinner at a really nice restaurant and I was going to order a salad and an appetizer as my entree. He insisted that I order a full entree "It's the weekend! You're relaxing!" and split dessert with him. It was nice, but later I thought about it and was really annoyed the next few days because HE wasn't going to have to deal with the repercussions of eating a full meal like that in the way I would - nor would he understand.

I see girls eating pizza, really skinny girls, with a regular coke, and I wonder: Where was I when God was handing out the rapid metabolism genes?

My mother was thin all her life. She was a sex symbol all throughout her adulthood. Even now, at the age she's at, I would DIE to have a figure like hers - as would most of my friends (including the thin ones). How come I didn't get to wade into that end of the gene pool? Don't get me wrong...I'm relatively happy with the cards I was dealt; I'm attractive, I have a "youthful" looking face (from both of my parents) and I've done okay...but in the "look at food and gain weight" department, I ended up with the shit end of the stick.

So...at the age of 35, I am finding that I can't do it on my own anymore like I thought I could. I have yo-yo'd so much that I think I broke my string. But I have been using Nutrisystem and the gym, and for now, that is doing the trick. The food is wonderful and I've been very happy on it.

I just get a little unhappy sometimes when I think about the fact that I have to always always keep in mind WHAT I'm going to eat BEFORE I even eat it...like a day before, sometimes. So much for spontaneity...or bread...or wine. I really miss booze. LOL

Oh well, I guess my aspirations to be a gutter lush will have to wait.

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