Friday, August 31, 2007

Am I a freak magnet?

AURGHHHHH!!!!! ok. so now that i got that out. i wrote this whole blog on the freak magnet experience that i had the other day and stupid me forgot to copy it first. and of course it deleted and didn't send. sooo, i will retype. but in an abbreviated version (wait. did you guys Pay the internet to lose my stuff on Purpose??)

so no, i am not trying to say that david is a freak (nor am i denying this but i am not referring to him in this case.)

i was pulling into the parking lot at the delmar shopping center (The Suburban Mecca) and noticed a guy walking in front of my car grinning. thinking nothing of it i pulled into my spot and turned to put up my window after putting the car into park. then i saw him coming over to my car and he said 'i thought you were laughing at me.' i didn't want to offend a stranger so i smiled, shook my head and pointed to the phone i was currently speaking into 'nope. my friend made me laugh.' thinking that was it i finished putting the window up (so hard not to say rolling still..) and got out of the car. he was still there after i turned from locking it and he said 'i thought maybe you had noticed that the bermuda khaki's were not working out too well for me today.' i thought perhaps he meant that they were too hot for such a humid day and gave him a shrug (still talking to brit) and turned to walk away. as i turned he pointed down to the enormous bulge. i opened my eyes a bit wider and gave him the 'poor guy. how embarassing' look. and continued to walk away with a small, less friendly smile now. he then said 'nice hair (in a gay voice. i had been thinking he Was at this point. his demeanor indicated it)' and 'Wow!' i turned a bit at this and he said 'nice ink!' i smiled again and he pointed to my chest and said 'you are big there too. i bet you get a lot of this kind of attention too' i really had no comment so i gave him another weird look and walked into the store.

after laughing with brit about it i got off the phone and shopped for kenz's care package things that i was there for, found more stuff i didn't need, paid and left. i dialed david as the door shut so i could tell him about the weirdo guy... only to have said guy walk up to my car as i was leaving, still grinning like a maniac. i smiled and said 'on the phone again' so as to discourage him from coming any closer. of course i should have known that such a guy would not get any but the most obvious of hints. he approached my door and looking suggestively as my 'big chest' (for the record, it Isn't that big) asked if he could have a peek. i glared and said 'No'. he asked 'Please' in an apologetic voice and i just shook my head and put the car into reverse. as i put it into drive to pull away he stood there and put his hands to the side and said 'guess. guess how big. within 1/2 inch' like he was a circus sideshow. i continued to shake my head at the whole situation and drove away to the sound of '10 and a half inches!'

instead of making me angry or irritated (thus the reason they approach me is my guess) i was only mildly exasperated that people like that do things like that. but as is typical of me, i wondered: did he take viagra and decide to come and freak out the soccer-moms? was he shopping at the hannaford and came upon a summer sausage and decided to have a little 'summer fun' or had he just seen the youtube video of the waiter playing the same trick on the hapless female customors?

oh, david thought i should have maced him and jo thought a taser would have been more appropriate. but alas i had none of my arsenal on me at the moment so driving away had to be my retort.

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3 Comments:

Anonymous Siegfried said...

I'm not sure if that guy was funny or scary. Either way, I'm staying away from Dellmar!

5:39 PM  
Blogger Rose Rivera said...

lol, I'm thinking scary. That would have probably freaked me out a bit if I were alone. Maybe you are a freak magnet. :)

2:07 PM  
Blogger Billychic said...

I would have been way more scared - just because I'm really neurotic and think that all perverts = psycho killers when I'm in a weird situation...

But jah, it would have been cool to have maced him or somehow made him slip on something and fall, exposing the fake dong in his pants (or even worse, his freakishly large penis), whereupon you could have pointed and laughed; alas, all you could do was be disgusted, which is what anyone would have been.

I mean, to read about it, it's hilarious - but I bet it was scary and exasperating at the time. Dude, why is it that my friends all seem to be the ones this happens to? I think we are freak magnets.

2:48 PM  

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