Wednesday, August 15, 2007

How Can You Call It Love?

Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares.
-- William Shakespeare


When does one know that they love another? Honestly? What kind of system can we use to measure this kind of thing? Is there a period of time when it's "too soon" to think that you love someone else - and if there is (which I'm sure many are nodding their heads and saying 'of course, asswipe, what do you think?') then when does that period end and the "smooth transition" into it being an acceptable amount of time to have spent with someone to "know the difference" begin?

Or is there that middle ground...when you meet someone and very quickly you realize that the person is just...very...right for you? You feel comfortable immediately with each other and know that if you continue to spend time with that person - love will be around the corner, because you sure as hell have a HUGE like.

Like. What the FUCK kind of word is that?
"I like you."
"I really, really like you."
"Man, I sure do dig you. I like the hell outta you."
"I'm serious - I really fucking like you!"

You get stuck saying that. So you try to substitute other things instead that mean "more than like but less than love." Sometimes, you want to say things like Love - even though you feel like a complete horse's ass.



Maybe I'm just an asshole... But I have a big heart and I often, when I encounter someone who is exceptional both as a friend and as a partner, find myself loving people. More often it is with friends. I have grown to know the difference between the acquaintance and the friend; that is easy. And when one is my true friend, I love them. It's that simple for me. There is the fraternal love that I have for that person.

But romantic love - now that is a different animal - whereupon I seem to get stuck. I have the tendency to feel the same and recognize those feelings, but I don't want to admit it, for fear of a myriad of things including rejection and that tricky medium I began this diatribe about: thinking I'm falling in love "too soon." Or trying to decipher: do I love someone? Or am I in love with someone? Or falling in love with someone?

Jesus Christ, can somebody just give me a goddamn manual? It really would make things a lot simpler. At least I've become a bit more of a bitter old bitch in my old age, so I really take a long hard look before I jump on the emotional bandwagon...but sometimes you meet someone that takes your breath - and your heart - away.

My Dad always tried to help define these things for me with a simple phrase to ask oneself: I love you, because I need you versus I need you, because I love you. That makes sense.

Sure, that does help in determining whether or not a love is unhealthy or not; but it's good for once I've actually decided that I love somebody. What about that murky middle-ground?

What justifies feeling absolutely tortured if a relationship won't work for whatever reasons? At what point does one go from being like "Wow - well, that sucks that it won't work. Coffee?" to the person being miserable and tremendously upset that something doesn't work out - especially if both parties really wish it could.

Because I know that there are some people out there who think that even feeling horribly upset earlier than six months is "too soon"...let alone a few weeks...and you know what? I hate to break it to you, but not all of us are made of ice...some of us are just big bags of mush.

Hi, I'm mushy. Nice to meet you.

Eh, fuck. Oh whoa-the-fuck-is me? Yeah. I would drink my blues away, but I'm too bummed out to drink.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Trish said...

When I first got married, I was "ohmyhigherbeingican'tgetenoughofyouiloveyousomuch."... now, 13 years later, it's more of a comfortable "ijustreallywannapunchyouintheface" kinda love.

1:55 PM  
Blogger Full Frontal Honesty said...

Welcome to the roller coaster... Sometimes you just gotta throw your hands in the air and enjoy the ride!

2:08 PM  

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