Am I a freak magnet?

AURGHHHHH!!!!! ok. so now that i got that out. i wrote this whole blog on the freak magnet experience that i had the other day and stupid me forgot to copy it first. and of course it deleted and didn't send. sooo, i will retype. but in an abbreviated version (wait. did you guys Pay the internet to lose my stuff on Purpose??)

so no, i am not trying to say that david is a freak (nor am i denying this but i am not referring to him in this case.)

i was pulling into the parking lot at the delmar shopping center (The Suburban Mecca) and noticed a guy walking in front of my car grinning. thinking nothing of it i pulled into my spot and turned to put up my window after putting the car into park. then i saw him coming over to my car and he said 'i thought you were laughing at me.' i didn't want to offend a stranger so i smiled, shook my head and pointed to the phone i was currently speaking into 'nope. my friend made me laugh.' thinking that was it i finished putting the window up (so hard not to say rolling still..) and got out of the car. he was still there after i turned from locking it and he said 'i thought maybe you had noticed that the bermuda khaki's were not working out too well for me today.' i thought perhaps he meant that they were too hot for such a humid day and gave him a shrug (still talking to brit) and turned to walk away. as i turned he pointed down to the enormous bulge. i opened my eyes a bit wider and gave him the 'poor guy. how embarassing' look. and continued to walk away with a small, less friendly smile now. he then said 'nice hair (in a gay voice. i had been thinking he Was at this point. his demeanor indicated it)' and 'Wow!' i turned a bit at this and he said 'nice ink!' i smiled again and he pointed to my chest and said 'you are big there too. i bet you get a lot of this kind of attention too' i really had no comment so i gave him another weird look and walked into the store.

after laughing with brit about it i got off the phone and shopped for kenz's care package things that i was there for, found more stuff i didn't need, paid and left. i dialed david as the door shut so i could tell him about the weirdo guy... only to have said guy walk up to my car as i was leaving, still grinning like a maniac. i smiled and said 'on the phone again' so as to discourage him from coming any closer. of course i should have known that such a guy would not get any but the most obvious of hints. he approached my door and looking suggestively as my 'big chest' (for the record, it Isn't that big) asked if he could have a peek. i glared and said 'No'. he asked 'Please' in an apologetic voice and i just shook my head and put the car into reverse. as i put it into drive to pull away he stood there and put his hands to the side and said 'guess. guess how big. within 1/2 inch' like he was a circus sideshow. i continued to shake my head at the whole situation and drove away to the sound of '10 and a half inches!'

instead of making me angry or irritated (thus the reason they approach me is my guess) i was only mildly exasperated that people like that do things like that. but as is typical of me, i wondered: did he take viagra and decide to come and freak out the soccer-moms? was he shopping at the hannaford and came upon a summer sausage and decided to have a little 'summer fun' or had he just seen the youtube video of the waiter playing the same trick on the hapless female customors?

oh, david thought i should have maced him and jo thought a taser would have been more appropriate. but alas i had none of my arsenal on me at the moment so driving away had to be my retort.

Bob Saget Is A Brilliant, Filthy Motherf*cker

I had the pleasure of seeing Bob Saget's stand-up show "That Ain't Right" tonight on HBO and all I have to say is 1) He's a genius and 2) He's a filthy motherfucker.

I love him. How incredible...I laughed my ASS off.

I had no idea - and, as mentioned in this article, many people probably don't, which is delightful, actually, because the possibility of somebody thinking that this is going to "be the guy from Full House and Funniest Home Videos doing some wholesome, clean humor"...and what you're getting is some shit that is delightfully reminiscent of Eddie Murphy's RAW - only more sex with farm animal humor...

Ahh...you gotta love it.

If you have cable, then when it comes back on again check it out on HBO. You won't be disappointed...that is, unless you're a big pussy and don't want to get offended. Because unless you don't have a heartbeat, there's nothing in his act that isn't offensive...that's the sheer freakin' beauty of it.

How Can You Call It Love?

Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares.
-- William Shakespeare

When does one know that they love another? Honestly? What kind of system can we use to measure this kind of thing? Is there a period of time when it's "too soon" to think that you love someone else - and if there is (which I'm sure many are nodding their heads and saying 'of course, asswipe, what do you think?') then when does that period end and the "smooth transition" into it being an acceptable amount of time to have spent with someone to "know the difference" begin?

Or is there that middle ground...when you meet someone and very quickly you realize that the person is just...very...right for you? You feel comfortable immediately with each other and know that if you continue to spend time with that person - love will be around the corner, because you sure as hell have a HUGE like.

Like. What the FUCK kind of word is that?
"I like you."
"I really, really like you."
"Man, I sure do dig you. I like the hell outta you."
"I'm serious - I really fucking like you!"

You get stuck saying that. So you try to substitute other things instead that mean "more than like but less than love." Sometimes, you want to say things like Love - even though you feel like a complete horse's ass.



Maybe I'm just an asshole... But I have a big heart and I often, when I encounter someone who is exceptional both as a friend and as a partner, find myself loving people. More often it is with friends. I have grown to know the difference between the acquaintance and the friend; that is easy. And when one is my true friend, I love them. It's that simple for me. There is the fraternal love that I have for that person.

But romantic love - now that is a different animal - whereupon I seem to get stuck. I have the tendency to feel the same and recognize those feelings, but I don't want to admit it, for fear of a myriad of things including rejection and that tricky medium I began this diatribe about: thinking I'm falling in love "too soon." Or trying to decipher: do I love someone? Or am I in love with someone? Or falling in love with someone?

Jesus Christ, can somebody just give me a goddamn manual? It really would make things a lot simpler. At least I've become a bit more of a bitter old bitch in my old age, so I really take a long hard look before I jump on the emotional bandwagon...but sometimes you meet someone that takes your breath - and your heart - away.

My Dad always tried to help define these things for me with a simple phrase to ask oneself: I love you, because I need you versus I need you, because I love you. That makes sense.

Sure, that does help in determining whether or not a love is unhealthy or not; but it's good for once I've actually decided that I love somebody. What about that murky middle-ground?

What justifies feeling absolutely tortured if a relationship won't work for whatever reasons? At what point does one go from being like "Wow - well, that sucks that it won't work. Coffee?" to the person being miserable and tremendously upset that something doesn't work out - especially if both parties really wish it could.

Because I know that there are some people out there who think that even feeling horribly upset earlier than six months is "too soon"...let alone a few weeks...and you know what? I hate to break it to you, but not all of us are made of ice...some of us are just big bags of mush.

Hi, I'm mushy. Nice to meet you.

Eh, fuck. Oh whoa-the-fuck-is me? Yeah. I would drink my blues away, but I'm too bummed out to drink.

Ernie Martin Studio Theatre: The Resurrection

That's right, folks, check out the image up there. That's what's coming out in Backstage next week (hell, is it this week?) - an ad for The Ernie Martin Studio Theatre as it used to be when Dad has his school in the 80's: a school of teachers with Dad (Ernie) as the Master Teacher. Kind of like how Lee Strasberg used to run his school...he would have his class, and then have his disciples teaching under him as well for the beginner and intermediate classes.

So, who do we have on the bill? Dad, a.k.a. Ernie Martin, of course, of whom I have expounded upon in depth (if you are a new reader to this blog, then please go through the archives) who has taught actors such as Sean Penn and Harvey Keitel - who has been around teaching acting for over 35 years. Lee Strasberg had some disciples who then went on to do their own thing and establish a name for themselves - and Dad is one of those people. Dad is one of the most respected acting teachers to have been handed the torch, so to speak, by Lee. He has then taken the acting craft and combined the teachings of Sandy Meisner and his own interpretations to become one of the best acting teachers since Lee and Sandy and Stella. That's all there is to it. Go to his website to see a little history about him. He will of course be teaching a Master Class, for advanced students, only.

Next, we have my buddy David Robinette, who is teaching for NYFA, and who got me MY gig at NYFA. Let me just say that David is an amazing actor to work with and I know for a fact he's an amazing teacher - he's got a great eye. I've sat in on his classes and had the opportunity to see him work. Of course I'm inspired by my father, but David has been a greater inspiration to me than I could ever give him credit for - because as a fellow student he has shown me how a knowledge of the work that we have learned from Dad and wherever else mixed with a desire to teach (when we ourselves aren't doing an acting gig! lol) can lead to becoming a teacher of acting. David never ceases to amaze me with his desire to learn more about acting so he can use it as an acting craft and as a teacher. He will be teaching beginning and intermediate classes.

Michael Hajek is also a former student of Dad's, and has years and years of acting, performing, opera, and Shakespearian technique under his belt. He has become a revered Shakespearian actor in his field and brings to his work the theories that Ernie Martin has for acting - which is why his work is so well done. Michael is a fabulous teacher and will be starting in January.

And then, there is lil' ol' me. I'm going to be teaching teens on Saturdays from 11a-1pm. I'm eternally stoked, because I have a niche with the kids. It keeps me from getting more pets at home...what can I say? I love kids - and if I can help shape a young actor at an early stage, then rock on! Jack Black, eat your heart out.

So...if you are interested in acting classes - please check out the flyer above - and call the number for an appointment.

In other news...classes at NYFA are going well. I have great kids and although they think I'm an alien, they like me. Kind of like most people I know.

Stay tuned...